This past weekend my son and I headed to the ocean for the first time in three months in honor of his birthday. Instead of the Maine coastline, we chose to explore Odiorne Point in Rye, NH.
The past few months have been the most difficult of my life. As I heal from decades of emotional abuse, and the most recent visceral experience of my last relationship, major wounds have risen to the surface, asking to be acknowledged, honored and integrated.
Connecting with the sea this past weekend in the flesh, was such a gift for both my Pisces son and myself. We reveled in the snap of cold air, as the wind and the water did their eternal New England dance together. First the whip of wind around you, then the kiss of the frothy cold water around your boots, as you run to greet the shoreline.
For so long, I have thought of the sea as something outside of me, as part of a man I loved, as part of something bigger, greater than me. Over the last year, the sea has taught me that I am a part of her, and she of me. We do not exist simply because another person cares about us for a moment or two. We are infinite and exist in our right. We feel, and lose and gain, and grow and diminish, and continue on. Sometimes we rage, sometimes we weep, sometimes we sing. We are a force.
This past weekend I reclaimed my sea. Although I no longer get to live in her backyard and wake up to the scent of her in the air, I carry her within me. She is my cheerleader, dearest friend and confidant and she urges me forward. To know myself, and to grow. To let go of all that holds me back from shining at full wattage.
I am ready to emerge from the wilderness of the forest and the shade of the dark trees as I grew in the cocoon of old pain and new, that made up the last few months. It is time to return to the air and the sea, whether I embody her, or visit her in the flesh, and to share my journey.
Videos will be uploaded to the channel by the end of this week, and I am back to offering readings in full on the Etsy shop.
Where ever you are on your journey, please know that you are not alone. Embracing your pain, as a means to the opening of your truest self, is always worth it. And emerging when it is time to is, as well.
Whatever you consider to be your wound, whatever it is, however long you have found yourself in a cycle repeating it, once you are able to look at it, open to it, and discover understanding of it, and integrate it, we discover the purpose of this human experience, and we are able to fully open to love. I do not mean the romantic love here, I am speaking about love in the deepest sense of the word.
May you glimpse the truest self within you today, and find comfort in it. May we all sing, rage, crow, and dance with the Ocean in her infinite glory.
Much Love and Many Blessings,
Raecine Ardis
You do not have to be good
you do not have to walk on your knees
for a hundred miles through the desert repenting.
you only have to let the soft animal of your body
love what it loves.
Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.
Meanwhile the world goes on.
Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain
are moving across the landscape,
over the prairies and the deep trees,
the mountains and the rivers.
Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air,
are heading home again.
Whoever you are, no matter how lonely,
the world offers itself to your imagination,
calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting-
over and over announcing your place,
in the family of things.
-Mary Oliver
Raecine Ardis Wilkinson 